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Thursday, March 5, 2009
I HATE MYSELF!!!! As you guys know, I might choose Form 6 over A Level. I hate myself now!!! I mean Form 6?! It sucks!!! Damn damn damn... The reason I choose Form 6 because it is FREE and I will be in Melaka, hence, no problem on life changing situation. Plus, my life will just like usual, go school, crapping, break school rules, back from school, sleeping, eating, do my homework and sleep again. Not to mention woke up early in the morning and REALLY CRAPPY CO-CURRICULUM. This sucks!!! In other way round, A Level will be a total new world for me, I will travel up alone in the city, struggle to make ends meet, dealing new environment, high expenses, more freedom and a bridge to get me overseas. I admit I don't have a wealthy family, and you know how much it costs, plus, my beloved mother was not a fan of private college, she called it as a waste of money and the centre of rich boss and spoiled brat. Actually, my main goal right now is get myself off this crappy country. I don't want to spent eternity in here. I am not a big fan of it. You see race discrimination, fucked up politics, and a lot of whatsoever I should not mention in here. I always imagine myself end up in somewhere doing my favorite thing, helping others through their life, I know I sounds stupid but I wanted to help people, I want to tell them life isn't that bad and make their life easier. A Level will sum up everything because it is agreed international but come into thinking, Form 6 too, is the same. I am really torn right now, the only way get myself in A Level that is offered scholarship which means that depends on my results. By the way, I never planned to waste my parents money for the courses. Even with the overseas thing going, I planned to get a loan and I will pay up my money later when I work. So, dad, if you watching this, I am not a spoiled brat. I know every penny you earned is traded by your own blood and sweat. I felt guilty when I saw the look on you. I hope I will not let you down at 12 March, as well for mom, I tried my best, everything is out of hand, and your last word for me was to study hard. If I get a crappy results, I am sorry, your son is a failure, a son that causes so much problems and won't think for the future. I am the weakest link in my family. My brother was a straight A student in STPM, an ex-student in Nanyang Technology University and a successful senior accountant. My sister is a straight A student in PMR and a genius, she didn't get far because she died in an accident in the year of her SPM. My mom said I placed last, my sister is the top. I knew she was disappointed by me. C'mon, I got 0 in my ejaan, I placed normal, whereas my brother and sister both are top 5 and top 1 in school. I am far behind them. I never won anything in life, not even a trophy. I am a sucker. All this come into review in 12 March 2009, 10am sharp ( confirmed ). I really hoped that I will get a good result hence no worries. As they said, 11A1 is the key for everything. ( I am not hoping to get 11A1, is out of my league ). Oh ya, I never set my target for my results. I think it doesn't important at all, what you get is what you live with it. No point fancy about something that won't be happening. Till then, enjoy your day. 9:26 AM
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